How I Got Through College as a Single Parent

Hump day, whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!? This week has been dragging for me! I thought it was Wednesday yesterday and that has just thrown everything off. Boooooooo!!

You may or may not have noticed this about me yet, but I am kind of a type-A freakazoid. As such, I like to try to plan as many things out as possible so I can be prepared everything. Well knowing that we're moving in less than 5 weeks has me seriously trying to plan and get shit organized, because moving is so stressful and I'm hoping to make it as smooth as possible for everyone. However I'm also kind of in panic mode and feeling a lot of pressure about it too. There's just so much to do and really not very much time to do it all. I've actually started a spreadsheet with three columns labeled "Things to Do", "Things to Buy", "Things to Pack" - type-A right hurrrrrrrrrr!!

I'm not sure why I told you that other than to get it out and in the universe, maybe? Anyone have any tips to make this easier?

Also, I wanted to mention that Le Tote has another seriously awesome deal going on right now that I want to make sure to get out to you guys in case you're thinking about joining. Now through June 30, you can get 60% off the first month of a Le Tote subscription by using the code SAVEME60. This is not a joke...60% is a LOT of savings! So head on over and get signed up and try it out - don't miss out on this deal!

My last Le Tote box was FIRE and I love all four of the dresses, but I especially love this one. It's soooooo pretty and the pattern is unique and I think it's pretty flattering!

As always, I would never recommend you try anything that I myself don't use on the regs. I love Le Tote and it has saved my work wardrobe right now while I'm still in-between sizes trying to lose this baby weight. I am a part of an affiliate program with Le Tote, so if you decide to sign up using my link I will get a small commission as a thank you. Thanks for your support!

Today I wanted to talk to you about something that I happen to have a lot of experience with, but it is a huge challenge that may seem insurmountable to many people. 

I've mentioned this a few times in different posts and here, but to those who haven't been reading for a long time or may have missed it, I was a single mom to my son Justin for a very long time. My ex-husband and I separated when Justin was less than a year old and from that point forward, I was a single parent. Just in case you're not sure, I'd like to reiterate...

Being a single parent is really hard.

It's also extremely rewarding and can be lots of fun, but when it comes down to it, it's really, REALLY hard. As a single parent, you are completely responsible for the well-being of another human. That human is 100% reliant on you for everything and you have to make sure that you are able to provide that human with what they need in life AND give them love and support and all that good stuff. 

When I got divorced I was still in the Air Force but I knew I didn't want to make the military a career and as such, I separated as soon as I was able to and began my first semester of college pretty much immediately. At that time, I thought I wanted to be a nurse and enrolled in a local community college back home in Illinois. This leads me to my first two tips for successfully getting through college as a single parent. 

Join the military

First off, there are a few states out there that will give you 100% free tuition if you join the military and come back to that state once you separate. Illinois (and Texas...maybe Alaska and Connecticut) is one of those states and as such, I was able to use my GI Bill to cover some of my living expenses. Join the military and do your service. I am a huge advocate for the military because it gave me some seriously awesome experiences, some fantastic friends, insane work ethic and free mother effing college. 

It is possible to be in the military as a single parent - you'll need to make sure you have help and may want to look into the reserves or guard, but you can do it if you really want it!


Go to a community college

For some reason community colleges tend to get looked down on as not being as academically advanced as 4-year schools, but that was not my experience at all. Most of my favorite professors from my college career were in the community college I attended - they were more accessible and helpful than the professors at the university I transferred to after 2 years and they really seemed to care more about my future. Plus community college is exponentially cheaper than a 4-year school so you are able to get a degree for a much smaller cost.

I chose to get a 4-year degree in business (specifically marketing) after changing my mind on my major, but there are several 2-year degrees that you can get amazing jobs with - nursing, engineering, paralegals, etc. You can also always look into trade schools, however I'm not sure how grants/loans/scholarships work for those. 

Talk to a counselor and figure out your options and then go from there.

Take all the help you can get

This includes loans, grants, babysitting from family and friends, live at home, etc. - don't think you have to do it all on your own and I highly recommend you don't try to do it on your own. When we first moved back to Illinois Justin and I lived at my parent's house for over a year. I had a lot of debt when I got out of the Air Force, so I wasn't able to afford living on my own at that time. After about a year I moved in with a friend from high school and lived there for a little while before I found a really cute, cheap, and tiny apartment in the town where my 4-year university was located. That being said, I still needed help with babysitting and hugs from my mom on bad days, so we spent a lot of time hanging out at my mom's house or driving down to my dad's in St. Louis when we wanted a weekend away. 

Sometimes you just have to play giraffe football...a really weird game we made up one day at my mom's house when the power was out...

Another thing that I was lucky to have the option of having, was roommates. I actually lived with two different friends while I was in school and while having a roommate can obviously suck sometimes, it made it more financially feasible. Plus both of them were amazing and would hang out with Justin so I could run sometimes or when I had to go to the library to work on late-night group projects!

Financially there are a lot of resources for single parents. As a single parent you are able to qualify for a lot of grants, which are basically free money for school. Then there are always scholarship programs, especially for specific majors such as nursing, teaching, and social work. And there are always student loans, however I caution you against taking out too many student loans as they are a bitch to pay-off. I only had $25,000 in student loans when I left college and I've been out of school for 7 years and still have $16,000 left to pay. You will also want to be really careful about taking out student loans if you are majoring in something that doesn't pay very well or doesn't have a good job-outlook, since your loan payments can easily be $200-500 a month and that's a lot if you're only making $30,000 a year after school. Throw a kid or two in the mix and that's just not enough to live on.

Be careful with student loans!

Another thing you need to do is get over your pride and look into public assistance programs. As a single parent in college you will probably qualify for food stamps, free or reduced daycare, and possibly even housing assistance. There was a time in college when I did receive food stamps and I am not at all ashamed to admit it, because it helped me get through school and now I'm paying back into the system so others can do the same thing. I was also able to qualify for free or reduced child care the entire time I was in school, which helped a lot. 

Also make sure you're getting child support. Contact your local child support agency and have them open up a case for you if you aren't getting it. And if you are getting it but it's been a few years and you know the other parent is making substantially more money now, make sure you get it amended. It does take a little work, but you shouldn't have to do it on your own.

Do your research and don't hesitate to take every possible form of help you can get!

Now you may be wondering, how did I manage to get any studying done when I had a crazy 3-7 year old boy running around and being insane all the time? Let me tell you my secret...

Study at McDonalds or the park

We would spend hours at McDonalds or at the park on a regular basis - I'm talking 3-5 times a week. Obviously it needs to be a McDonalds with a playplace, but this is one of the biggest things I did that helped me graduate! Justin would run around like a crazy person for hours, making best friends and burning off energy, and I'd tune everything out and study, study, study. We would go to McDonalds when the weather was crappy or when I needed wifi (it's FREE!) and we'd go to the park whenever I needed to do some reading. And I always took breaks to run around and play with him, since life isn't fun without fun. Duh. 

Word of caution on this, you do want to always make sure you can see your child and that you've had several, maybe even hundreds of talks about not talking to strangers, bullies, and what to do if someone does try to take them (FIGHT AND SCREAM!). I always sat in the playplace and made sure I knew where Justin was and always kept him in my line of vision while at the park. 

Work your ass off

Going to college as a single parent is not easy...at all. I was lucky in that I had some money coming in with my GI Bill and qualified for grants and had my parents to help out with babysitting or small loans for bills that I always paid back immediately, however I still had to work my ass off. This includes a part time job, doing homework until 3 in the morning or waking up early to read, late night study and group sessions for projects, writing papers during vacations, etc. 

I remember very specifically going on several vacations with my parents and watching everyone else drink beer all day without a care in the world while I sat back and wrote a paper or read school books. I know, #firstworldproblems at least I got vacations (thanks mom and dad!); I'm not complaining, just telling you how I made this work. There were also a few times that I had to scramble all over trying to find a restaurant with wifi while driving back from a trip so I could turn in an assignment on time. At one point we were driving back from Florida and I'm pretty sure we stopped by 3 or 4 restaurants in the mountains in Chattanooga before I found a place to turn my assignment in. Did it make my vacation less enjoyable? Sure! But I knew it's what I needed to do to get through school and that those small short-term sacrifices would pay off in a big way in the end. I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed going on my first vacation after graduation to South Padre Island and just being able to relax on the beach with my mom and my son without having to do any homework.  

I also worked a lot of part-time jobs - waitress, bartender, barista...waitressing or bartending is a great way to get some extra cash if you have the personality for it. And I firmly believe everyone should work in the service industry at some point in their lives since it's really hard work and teaches you how to work hard and not be an asshole (always tip your server). There were many weekends where I would work Friday and Saturday nights (my mom would usually watch Justin) and would easily make $400-500. This went a long way towards paying bills, having food, and having fun...

Take time to have fun!

Fun doesn't have to cost anything. Justin and I went hiking a lot, would go down to my dad's house in St. Louis and explore the city there, we went to every playground we could find, the zoo, children's museums, canoeing/tubing on the river with friends and family, etc. We'd often pick up a $5 footlong from Subway to share (remember when they were $5?) and a lot of museums/parks/things to do have discounts for students/veterans so everything we did was cheap. 

Get creative

This includes finding ways to study, things to do, and ways to make money. I am actually a 6-time egg donor, which obviously helped a lot towards getting me cash for school/living/fun stuff to do, but that's not for everyone and there are risks involved so I don't recommend it to people. Figure out things you can do to make your life easier or to get money and do it! Babysit, pet-sit, walk dogs, wash cars, rent out your 2nd bedroom as an Airbnb....do what you have to do to get through college, because I promise you, it's worth it for you and for your kids in the end. 

Push through it

I have actually had several people tell me that their lives just aren't as easy as mine or that not everyone can work as hard as I do...WHAT?!?! First of all, my life has not been easy in the slightest and I have had to work and work hard for everything that I have - literally nothing has been given to me. There were many times while I was in school where I just wanted to cry and give up (and I did cry a lot, actually). But I never gave up because I knew it would be worth it in the end and it has definitely been worth it. Yes, I am a hard worker and driven internally to work my butt off now, but I firmly believe everyone can work as hard as I do because I haven't always been this way. I was the laziest teenager who ever lived. I slept until 3 all summer and on the weekends, I never worked out, was crap about helping out around the house, and I barely put any effort into school. It wasn't until I had Justin that I realized I needed to get my ass into gear and really start trying to make something of my life so I can give him the best life possible.

Find something that drives you and motivates you and focus on that. Use whatever that is to keep you going even when times are tough. As I mentioned above, I cried A LOT through this process because it is a really hard thing to do, however Justin seemed to always know when I was down and he'd wrap his sticky little arms around me and give me big hugs and kisses and this kept me going. I talk about other things I do to keep myself motivated here if you want to check it out for more ideas. And when you go through that hard time and pull through it, whether it's a bad grade, your car gets repossessed right before Easter and you have all of the Easter stuff for your son in your car (true story - I used to be really terrible with money) or you have finally graduated after 2-4 years of seriously hard work, be proud of yourself. Because you did it. And it's SO worth it!

And then once you get that degree and start a job, you can start looking into fun things like certifications or advanced degrees because you are absolutely insane like I am...or just enjoy this accomplishment, since it's a huge one!

Thanks for stopping by - I'll be back on Friday with more shenanigans and insanity!

Monday on a Tuesday and the BIG NEWS!

Is it just me, or do you also feel like you only got 2 days off and it's actually Monday? There's no way I'm the only one feeling this way. 

Needless to say, I was on the struggle bus for real today. Actually, I was on the struggle bus all weekend. Jules is not sleeping well at all. We've moved her back into her bedroom and we're basically back to square one with her sleeping like total crap and waking up and then we bring her into our room and she sleeps horribly and basically keeps me up all night. And I feel super guilty doing any sleep training since she just went through that whole hospital/illness ordeal and is extra clingy and needy right now. So for now, I'm back in the no sleep club. 

Last night was especially bad since I kept dreaming we were living in a house like the house from The Conjuring, which is scary AF and kept jolting me awake all night long. And then Jules was screaming bloody murder and I brought her to bed where she rotisseried all night long, kicking me and resulting in an awful night of "sleep".

I would say send coffee, except my anxiety is through the roof right now and caffeine makes my anxiety much worse. So don't send coffee. Send me a clone who can work for me all day while I nap under my desk. 

Before I jump into the BIG NEWS, I thought I'd do a workout round-up from last week. 

It wasn't a great week for workouts - I'm still getting back into the swing of things after being in the hospital the week prior, Jules isn't sleeping well, and I'm also not sleeping well, so waking up to workout was a real struggle all week last week.

Monday - P90X Chest & Back and core workout 

I was off of work so I could take Jules to some doctor's appointments, so I didn't end up working out until 11. Which means I was able to smile BEFORE my workout. It's amazing how that works when you're not still half asleep and feeling like the living dead!

Also the core workout I'm doing is still the transverse abdominal workout for diastasis recti - I am staying away from traditional ab workouts until I make some awesome progress on my gap.  

Tuesday - nothing, nada, rest day

I couldn't wake up to workout before going back to work and there was no way I was doing it after work. Oh well!

Wednesday - P90X Arms & Shoulders and core workout

I worked a half-day on Wednesday because my mom was flying home in the afternoon and we weren't ready to take Jules back to daycare yet, so I slept through my alarm in the morning and did my workout in the afternoon. Hence the happy "before" picture. 

And just in case you're wondering how I manage to do an almost hour-long workout while I have a toddler in the house who is awake?

I use the iPad for my workout and Jules hangs out on the couch and watches a movie on the tv. Right now she's really into all of the Toy Story movies, Sing, and the Secret Life of Pets. She does sometimes get up and whine, but she usually allows me to put her back on the couch or have her play with her toys and 95% of the time I can finish my entire workout without any major meltdowns. 

Where there's a will there's a way, and I will get my workout in!

Thursday - Speedwork and core workout

First, I exploded my aminos/preworkout all over everything on the counter. I'm still not even sure how it happened - I was tired and spazzed out or something? 

This lead to me giving a stank-ass-before-run face - look at that grumpy face!

However a good run always makes me feel better and this was a pretty awesome run! Hard as crap and humid as a mother, but a good run!

What a fantastic picture of me. So flattering.

Friday - P90X Legs and Back and core workout

I was definitely struggling a bit, as you can see from my lovely pictures above, however I managed to get my crap together and get a great workout in so that's all that matters!

See what a great workout does though? Look at how happy I am! Using filters helps too...

Then I took Saturday and Sunday off because Jules slept horribly and it was ridiculously hot outside and I didn't want to run or do anything. 

So I had 3 rest days last week - whatever, it is what it is!

As I mentioned a post or 2 ago, I gained a solid 5 pounds the week we were in the hospital with Jules - stress + all.the.carbs = fluff. On top of the lack of activity, excessive carbs/wine consumption, and stress, it was also a certain special time of the month. Resulting in me being extra super fluffy. Between then and now, I have lost some of the fluff, however I still have 9 pounds to go before hitting pre-Jules weight and then a solid 4-6lbs to get to a "happy" place...although at this point I think I'd be pretty happy just to get to pre-Jules weight. And yes, the scale and I are back together for now but there's a legit reason for this...

I have to lose the Jules/wine/food weight (I can't realistically call it baby weight anymore...). You may be asking yourself why there's an urgency now when I've been carrying it around for 16 months without much concern...wellI have to be able to fit into all of my cold weather clothes again by September or so...

Because we're moving to Rhode Island!

The company I work for has their home office in Rhode Island and I've been offered a promotion with a completely new position in a different department. I know I've mentioned not loving my job all that much in the past - I've hit a bit of a ceiling here in Florida and can't promote without moving, plus I love being challenged and haven't felt challenged in awhile. So Jason and I decided to accept the position/move and we'll be moving in mid-July or so. Well, I'll be moving with the kids and Jason will likely have to stay behind for a couple of months until he's able to start a position in RI or Mass (law enforcement jobs hire in waves so he likely won't be able to start right away even if he gets hired somewhere right away). So this will obviously be a huge challenge since I'll be moving to a new state, with a higher cost of living, with two children, and likely by myself for a few months. However Jason and I have done the long distance thing in the past and taking this move/job sets us up to be able to finally put roots down somewhere for good instead of having to worry about moving every few years in order to move up in my career. Being in home office is something I've always wanted, so I'm super excited for the possibilities for my career and our lives in RI. I've always had this ridiculous vision of Jules running through an apple orchard in the fall with cute, little pigtails and a basket of apples...is that weird? 

So we'll have to struggle for a bit, but I have always found that it's the hardest times and riskiest choices that have the greatest pay-offs. 

Luckily I have quite a few friends up in RI and Mass and Jason has a lot of family in CT that will only be a 2 hour drive away, so we have more of a support system that I've ever had when moving in the past - we moved to Mass and Florida without knowing anyone in either place. We're already planning on Jason coming up once a month for a week at a time so we're still able to see each other as much as possible, and I'm 100% confident this will only make us stronger as a family/couple. 

So bring on the lobster, Block Island ferry, nor'easters, FALL, pumpkin everything, NYC, blizzards and snow days, hiking every weekend, leaf peeping, weiners, and Waterfire! 

And now you know why I was dreaming about living in the Conjuring house...it took place in Rhode Island! So I'll be getting super hippie-dippy and smudging and sage-ing the crap out of wherever we move to because I'm not doing any crazy haunting crap. No way!

You better believe this is going to end up resulting in some interesting posts, so I hope you have subscribed so you never miss any of this crazy adventure!

Does anyone have any tips for moving cross country with 2 kids? I've done it a couple of times with 1 kid, but doing anything with 2 kids is a huge challenge! Also have you ever saged a house? It's a legit thing that people do to cleanse bad energy from a new home before moving in - I'm seriously going to do it. I can see Jason in my head shaking his head while reading this. Lol. 

Have a great day!